Thread:Luciellie/@comment-5178030-20121003025356/@comment-5553193-20121007040728

I could say the Grammar mistakes being the problem but you already told me you'd make them so I obviously ignored that, but your biggest problem is that your shoving to much information at once, your character description was quite good yet your never want to use you or your if your writing and you never want to be talking with the audience, both are big no no's in english writing. And I feel like you downplayed Naiyomi majorly, how I read was she was this soft voiced bimbo who doesn't know basic metallurgy, and is astonished by the most simple solutions to any problems. I mean granted your not me so I can understand different interpretations of characters, but I just feel you were way more focused on exalting Anraki as this dominant alpha-male who basically could do anything he wants with Naiyomi, which I guess makes sense since it is your story, but never the less.