Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-69.119.51.216-20130526173033

I don't really like the story, "She who ar't alone". Honestly, it's not that great. No offense to the author, but here's a few tips...

Don't be cliche. It always starts with someone waking up on an island. How about something more creative, maybe the main character is one of the first humans and is adapting to the island landscape they have to survive in.

Secondly, develop the story more. Nobody, no matter what their situation is, is going to wake up on an island and just get to work. No, they're going to wonder why they're there or how they got there. The first part of your story says that the main character sees she's on an island, possibly deserted, and alone, and what does she do? She goes and picks up some leaves to make a purse. That's the opposite of elaborating, you're just jumping into the story.

Third, go into some depth about how things are done. Also in the beginning, it says she makes a purse from leaves, how does she do it? She has nothing at all to sew with or stitch with, nothing it keep it together but water.

Forth, what the heck is up with them pictures? Why the anime? Why the anime names? I think, I'm just assuming here, that you're a weeaboo?

Lastly, be realistic. You're not gonna wake up on an island and meet a bunch of other people. It doesn't work like that. You're usually gonna be alone unless there's some sort of dumb plane crash and they're all on the island aswell. There's not going to be some demon on the island, either. Unless the story is fantasy. If that's the case, then I'm sorry, but that's not really a good genre when it comes to survival.


 * Final note*

This doesn't really matter, but it's kind of hard to read a huge wall of text. Incase you didn't know, whenever a new person is talking, you indent. If there's another topic unrelated to the previous paragraph, you indent. It makes the whole story alot easier to read. 